Instead of creating content, I focused on breathing. So, here’s what actually happened in January: What it means is feeling the fullness of that gnawing discomfort and taking care of this experience. Note that befriending does not mean bargaining with! But the past had left my body so gnawingly uncomfortable I couldn’t listen to this guidance, let alone act on it: my true desires were always overpowered by the feelings of my past self.īessel also writes, ‘the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.’ My present, authentic self has been trying to shape my life, making suggestions to apply the brakes, step back, take stock. It’s the same as going into a cave to find the owner of that ‘hello’ I heard reverberating out, not realising it belongs to a former version of me. When I experience challenging feelings and assume, say, that not creating content for a month is a bad idea, I have allowed the pains of my past to hijack my present. The mistake we make when we feel this discomfort is to look to the present for an explanation. “The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort.” As a result, they’ve continued to flow through my tissues, blood, and organs, ruining every urge I’ve felt to slow down.Īs a result, rest has NEVER felt all that restful.īessel van der Kolk explains it poetically in his seminal book The Body Keeps the Score: These echoes are emotions I couldn’t handle in the moment. This is because I finally understand the fear of slowing down I ‘supposedly’ feel is an echo from the past. When the discomfort persisted, I’d have shifted to a week, gritting my teeth against the anxious feeling, jumping back to content creation as soon as the break elapsed. The old me would have bargained with the rushing feeling, suggesting just a fortnight off. In the past, such discomfort has ruined my restful intentions. When I considered taking January off from creating content, I felt an anxious, rushing feeling that was extremely uncomfortable!
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